zeihate
ihatethisgame










Welcome to the Character Bios.

Zorro was born with the amazing aptitude for videogame playing and has trained extensively in that area. He has a scarf, and with it plays superhero. In a fight once, Gil bit off his finger.

Ester is Zorro's friend and straight-man. She likes accents and dislikes being alone, and not having legs. She was once possessed by Rasputin, but has since remedied that.

Gilgamesh, or Gil, as he is known, thinks he is a superhero. He is also the Grim Reaper, and disperses dead people with his Spatula of Doom. He really likes eggs and he bit off Zorro's finger once. Did we mention he is insane?

Rasputin is a ghost that Zorro and Ester found in the future and it possessed Ester. It loves destroying things, and was almost free to do so forever, but instead was sealed in the goomba, who is a vampire. And everyone knows vampires and ghosts don't get along.

Goomba is Zorro's pet. Zorro bought him long ago. Later Alice found out the hard way that he is a vampire. He was captured by aliens and helped them save their planet, and now has Rasputin's ghost inside him.

Xbox is the first X-Box ever made. He wanted to take over the world, but he sucks at it, and everything. He likes to be Zorro's arch-nemesis because Zorro is nice to him. He made Nollo, Zorro's clone, and battled Zorro to the death. (Really!)

Master Chef is the star of the best selling X-Box game series, who decided instead to become a cook. He is now Xbox's butler.

Xbox 360, or 360 as she is known, is the second generation of X-Box. She has a crush on Xbox and finds him cute and old-fashioned. She misinterpretes Xbox's hatred of Zorro and so tries to destroy him.

Joanna Dark works for 360. She's a feminist who wants more strong women in videogames. She goes extra hard on Master Chef, is it from hatred, or something else???

Nollo is a clone of Zorro made by Xbox and Zorro's lost finger. He's not an evil clone, he's more of an emo clone. He's currently on a trip.

Le Sock is Ester's sock puppet, who speaks French. He and Ester get in fights a lot. Ester is ashamed to tell people about him.

Chem Man is a proper superhero and is usually doing more important things that don't warrant him showing up in the story. When he does appear, it is usually to save the day. Beware evil doers, he has Chemistry on his side.

Jono is Zorro's friend. He likes bad videogames and keeping his face warm. He makes weird inventions, like teleporters, one of which teleported him out of the storyline.

Alice was a scene-girl who moved to Limbo (regular kind, not Illyana kind). But before that she was bit by the goomba and became a vampire.

Spider-Guy is a villain. He's kinda cute looking. Here is his backstory: Larry Norman once worked at a dotcom job that crashed and he lost his job and his wife on the same day, then a truck of nuclear waste spilled on him and he was bit by a spider. Or something. Now he turns to a life of crime to get thru his miserable life every day.

Rabbit of an Easter-ish Holiday is his name. He likes eggs. He's a villain. He's also an overweight, middle-aged guy in a bunny suit.

Aliens are around. They look like this and they do stuff and get in the way, like aliens tend to do.

Chtulhu is coming!